Healing Past Trauma: Why It’s Worth the Effort
Let’s face it, life’s not always a walk in the park. In fact, sometimes it feels more like a walk through a thunderstorm with no umbrella. We all go through tough times—big or small—whether it’s an unfortunate breakup or childhood struggles. These experiences can leave emotional scars, and if we don’t address them, they can show up in the most unexpected ways—like in our relationships, our sense of self-worth, or our mental health.
So why is it so important to keep working on healing past trauma? Well, for starters, healing isn’t just about "getting over it." It’s about reclaiming your peace, your joy, and your ability to connect with the people you love. This blog will dive into why healing past trauma is a game-changer for both your mental health and your relationships and how therapy—including Online Couples Counselling Australia and the method of Gottman Therapy can help make that healing process smoother.
What Is Trauma, Anyway?
First things first: what are we actually talking about when we say “trauma”? Trauma isn’t just something that happens in blockbuster action movies (although let’s be honest, sometimes those explosions feel like a metaphor for our lives). Trauma is any deeply distressing experience that shakes you to your core. It could be a tough breakup, the death of a loved one, or growing up in an environment that made you feel unsafe or unloved.
And while your best friend might tell you to "just move on" (ugh, we know), the truth is: trauma affects the way your brain processes emotions, how you view yourself, and how you connect with others. If you’re constantly looking over your shoulder for the next emotional disaster, that’s your brain trying to protect you, even if it’s a bit overzealous.
Healing trauma is like putting the pieces of a broken vase back together. It takes time, patience, and maybe a few therapy sessions, but once it’s healed, the cracks are still there—just not as sharp and not as painful.
Why Healing Trauma is Important: Trust, Connection, and Mental Health
Here’s the deal: the more we heal, the more we can connect with others. And that connection? It’s everything when it comes to mental health. Think about it: when you’re feeling down or overwhelmed, who do you turn to? Your friends, your partner, maybe even your dog (because let’s face it, dogs are always there for you). But if you’ve got trauma from past relationships or experiences, it can be hard to fully open up, even to the people you care about most.
For example, imagine you’ve been hurt by someone close to you in the past. Maybe a partner cheated or let you down. Now, when your new partner says something innocuous like, “I’ll be a little late tonight,” your mind might jump to conclusions like, “Uh-oh, are they leaving me too?” This is what we call a “trigger”—and it’s a common byproduct of trauma. The brain is on high alert, protecting you from any potential emotional harm, even if that harm isn’t actually coming. This might lead to anxiety, insecurity, or distance in relationships, making it harder to feel truly connected.
So, why bother healing from trauma? Because healing lets you rebuild trust—not just with others, but also with yourself. And when you trust yourself, you’re much more likely to show up fully in your relationships, free from fear or suspicion.
The Power of Secure Attachment: You’re Worth It
Ever notice how some people seem to have rock-solid relationships, where they’re supportive, trusting, and, honestly, too happy together? It’s almost like they have the secret to life. Well, part of that secret is secure attachment.
Secure attachment refers to the ability to feel safe, loved, and valued in relationships. When you’re securely attached, you can trust that your partner has your back, even when life throws curveballs. You can handle conflict without fear that the relationship will crumble and you can show up as your true self without constantly second-guessing if you're "enough."
If you’ve been through trauma, this kind of secure connection might feel like a distant dream. But here’s the thing: it’s possible to rebuild it. When we heal, we not only learn to trust ourselves again, but we also open up the possibility of forming secure attachments with others. Trust, love, and connection—this is the foundation of mental health.
Let’s Talk Therapy: Your Mental Health’s New Best Friend
Alright, so we’ve established that healing from trauma is essential for healthier relationships and a more balanced mental state. But how do you actually do that? One word: therapy. While there’s no magic cure for trauma (sorry, we wish there were), therapy can help you process and heal in a structured, supportive way.
Two therapy options that are particularly great for couples and individuals dealing with trauma are Online Couples Counselling Australia and Gottman Therapy Brisbane.
Online Couples Counselling Australia: Therapy in Your PJ's
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, therapy is no longer confined to a stuffy office. Online Couples Counselling Australia has made it possible for couples to work through their issues and heal from trauma from the comfort of their own homes. Forget about the hassle of finding parking or rushing to make it on time—now, you can just hop on a video call in your comfiest hoodie and get the support you need.
Whether you’re dealing with trust issues from past relationships or communication breakdowns because of trauma, online couples counselling offers a flexible and accessible way to work on your relationship.
Gottman Therapy Brisbane: A Blueprint for Healthy Relationships
Now, if you’re looking for a therapy approach that’s backed by years of research, Gottman Therapy might be just what you need. Developed by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, this therapy is based on solid research into what makes relationships tick (and what makes them fall apart). Spoiler alert: it’s not just about romantic dates and love letters.
Gottman Therapy focuses on teaching couples how to communicate better, resolve conflicts constructively, and, most importantly, rebuild trust—especially after trauma. Think of it as a relationship blueprint, showing you how to keep things from falling apart, even when life throws some curveballs.
For couples healing from trauma, Gottman Therapy provides practical tools to strengthen emotional intimacy and improve communication. It’s like having a relationship GPS, helping you navigate tough times with compassion and understanding.
Healing Trauma Together: A Team Effort
Here’s a fun fact: trauma doesn’t just affect one person—it can affect a whole relationship. If one partner is struggling with trauma, it can create a ripple effect, impacting the way both people interact. That’s why couples therapy—especially something like Gottman Therapy—can be incredibly helpful. It allows both partners to understand and support each other’s healing journey.
For example, if one partner has experienced emotional trauma and is having trouble trusting, the other partner might feel frustrated or confused. Gottman Therapy helps both partners understand where the other is coming from, offering tools to improve communication and intimacy. It’s a “we’re in this together” approach, and it works wonders.
Why It’s Worth the Work
Healing from trauma and building stronger connections with the people you love isn’t always easy. But here’s the thing: it’s so worth it. When you heal, you’re not just reducing pain—you’re creating the foundation for richer, more fulfilling relationships and better mental health. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone.
Life might throw curveballs, but with healing, trust, and connection, you can knock them out of the park.
Debra Bragança is a registered Counsellor with The Australian Counselling Association and works with both adults and couples impacted from trauma, anxiety, chronic illness, depression and relationship issues, including affairs and betrayals.
She is trained in a number of evidence-based therapies including CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy), ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and Gottman Couples Therapy, including Affair & Betrayal Recovery.